Man’s Death Brings No Response
A man, Charles Jones of Cleveland Ohio, died today at his workplace, Kinder-Green (The Button People) on Lakeshore Drive, in West Cleveland. Mr. Jones was 42 years old; he had worked in the button department, and more recently in juvenile greeting cards for a total of 16 years. So far, the cause of death is unknown, although the medical examiner has been all over the body twice, and has gone so far as to have a group of promising medical students join in the examination, prompting them to come up with some ideas. “It’s like he just died of nothing”, said one co-worker who knew Mr. Jones, or at least was aware of him being in the next cubicle. Personnel had no real response to inquiries about Mr. Jones. “At first we weren’t sure if it was Charles H. Jones or not” said Ms Scagnatelli of personnel, “but it wasn’t. It was a different Charlie Jones. I guess we’ve had about four Charlie Jones’s since I’ve been working here, but I didn’t know this one, so I can not offer any comment.” He had apparently started to work on one of his greeting card verses, and had already written the line “Look at you, you’re five years old!” When he up and died.
- Follow up to previous story
The death of Charles R. Jones of Cleveland has now officially been ruled an accident/suicide/murder. Taxidermists are speculating that the actual death was caused by the fact that Jones had already written over 5,000 greeting card verses that used the word "old" and words that rhymed with "old" as end rhymes, and his brain simply couldn't process anymore. The sudden acute stoppage of thought created a brief window of transcendence through which the soul could choose to escape, according to psychologist Albert Franken-Einstein, and that's exactly what happened - his job killed him by accident, but it was still his choice. Officials at KG have insisted that the started verse will be completed in honor of Mr. James, and that it will be a unique rhyme, as it is a point of pride in greeting cards division that absolutely every verse is totally original. They have even given his cubicle and that particular assignment to a Miss Priscilla Pemberton, in what was described as more of a lateral move than a promotion. The finished verse is to be inscribed on a mass card and sent to the Jones family. It was quite a shock for his next of kin to realize that they were related to him.
Postscript:
LOOK AT YOU
Look at you, you’re five years old!
You fireman strong, you pirate bold!
You cowboy brave, you sports guy true!
Look at you, just look at you!
Look at you, you make us proud!
And on your birthday that's allowed!
Mom and Dad might well be through,
But on this day we're here for you!
May angels watch you while you wake!
So you don't make the same mistakes!
May god forgive you when you do!
You're five years old, just look at you!
By Priscilla Pemberton
A man, Charles Jones of Cleveland Ohio, died today at his workplace, Kinder-Green (The Button People) on Lakeshore Drive, in West Cleveland. Mr. Jones was 42 years old; he had worked in the button department, and more recently in juvenile greeting cards for a total of 16 years. So far, the cause of death is unknown, although the medical examiner has been all over the body twice, and has gone so far as to have a group of promising medical students join in the examination, prompting them to come up with some ideas. “It’s like he just died of nothing”, said one co-worker who knew Mr. Jones, or at least was aware of him being in the next cubicle. Personnel had no real response to inquiries about Mr. Jones. “At first we weren’t sure if it was Charles H. Jones or not” said Ms Scagnatelli of personnel, “but it wasn’t. It was a different Charlie Jones. I guess we’ve had about four Charlie Jones’s since I’ve been working here, but I didn’t know this one, so I can not offer any comment.” He had apparently started to work on one of his greeting card verses, and had already written the line “Look at you, you’re five years old!” When he up and died.
- Follow up to previous story
The death of Charles R. Jones of Cleveland has now officially been ruled an accident/suicide/murder. Taxidermists are speculating that the actual death was caused by the fact that Jones had already written over 5,000 greeting card verses that used the word "old" and words that rhymed with "old" as end rhymes, and his brain simply couldn't process anymore. The sudden acute stoppage of thought created a brief window of transcendence through which the soul could choose to escape, according to psychologist Albert Franken-Einstein, and that's exactly what happened - his job killed him by accident, but it was still his choice. Officials at KG have insisted that the started verse will be completed in honor of Mr. James, and that it will be a unique rhyme, as it is a point of pride in greeting cards division that absolutely every verse is totally original. They have even given his cubicle and that particular assignment to a Miss Priscilla Pemberton, in what was described as more of a lateral move than a promotion. The finished verse is to be inscribed on a mass card and sent to the Jones family. It was quite a shock for his next of kin to realize that they were related to him.
Postscript:
LOOK AT YOU
Look at you, you’re five years old!
You fireman strong, you pirate bold!
You cowboy brave, you sports guy true!
Look at you, just look at you!
Look at you, you make us proud!
And on your birthday that's allowed!
Mom and Dad might well be through,
But on this day we're here for you!
May angels watch you while you wake!
So you don't make the same mistakes!
May god forgive you when you do!
You're five years old, just look at you!
By Priscilla Pemberton
