Okay, now for mine...
1. My BBQ party was also awesome, and also started at 5:00pm. I was drinking some mescal we've had around for about a zillion years because it tastes like shit. The wife won't let me use the credit card to buy booze anymore, and I'm a bit short of cash. It was just me and the (two kids) until she got home but it felt like 50 people or more, they were so freaking demanding, and most of the 50 people they felt like were not my friends - perhaps they weren't anybody's.
The woman who looks like my wife got home (I'm pretending she's somebody else, it gets me off) and reamed me out for smelling like shitty old Mescal, that she knew we've had as long as we've been married, then she started on my child caring deficiencies, then she really crossed the line and criticized my bar-b-que-ing skills. Up to this point, I still hadn't taken any topless pictures other than the ones that are residual in my head, and the only face I sucked was my own.
I fell asleep and burned my hand, then I set my apron on fire (she bought it for me and I HAVE TO wear it - but not anymore!) at 10:00 I fell asleep on the couch and the rest of them left me for dead. I woke up with a pain in my back and a cat on my face.
None of the girls I thought were going to crash with me actually did. I was sort of hoping for the one who looks like my wife, but if she crashed in my bed at all it was probably because I wasn't there.
2. Saturday I left the one girl (she looks like my wife) sleeping in my bed and went to a yard sale to try to buy some used booze, which can be very reasonable if the bottle was already opened and the guy who had opened it had somehow died. Drank again all day and had a good day until the police came and threatened to take me to the drunk tank if I didn't keep it down. I wonder who called them. I'm going to get that fucker.
Sunday wife-like girl and I had lunch and drinks until I grabbed for her ass and she hit my hand with the stick that usually holds up the living room window, real hard. My knuckles were all buised and bleeding. She said she loves me but she can't stand living with me a moment longer, and I should never presume to touch her again. I got the whole "You were great, I did love you, and you used to be funny, but now you're just wierd", so all I got out of that conversation was the one good grab, but it was enough.
So all in all, the highlight was scoring a half a bottle of Jamison's for fifty cents.
fun but not.... F U N! you know?
1. My BBQ party was also awesome, and also started at 5:00pm. I was drinking some mescal we've had around for about a zillion years because it tastes like shit. The wife won't let me use the credit card to buy booze anymore, and I'm a bit short of cash. It was just me and the (two kids) until she got home but it felt like 50 people or more, they were so freaking demanding, and most of the 50 people they felt like were not my friends - perhaps they weren't anybody's.
The woman who looks like my wife got home (I'm pretending she's somebody else, it gets me off) and reamed me out for smelling like shitty old Mescal, that she knew we've had as long as we've been married, then she started on my child caring deficiencies, then she really crossed the line and criticized my bar-b-que-ing skills. Up to this point, I still hadn't taken any topless pictures other than the ones that are residual in my head, and the only face I sucked was my own.
I fell asleep and burned my hand, then I set my apron on fire (she bought it for me and I HAVE TO wear it - but not anymore!) at 10:00 I fell asleep on the couch and the rest of them left me for dead. I woke up with a pain in my back and a cat on my face.
None of the girls I thought were going to crash with me actually did. I was sort of hoping for the one who looks like my wife, but if she crashed in my bed at all it was probably because I wasn't there.
2. Saturday I left the one girl (she looks like my wife) sleeping in my bed and went to a yard sale to try to buy some used booze, which can be very reasonable if the bottle was already opened and the guy who had opened it had somehow died. Drank again all day and had a good day until the police came and threatened to take me to the drunk tank if I didn't keep it down. I wonder who called them. I'm going to get that fucker.
Sunday wife-like girl and I had lunch and drinks until I grabbed for her ass and she hit my hand with the stick that usually holds up the living room window, real hard. My knuckles were all buised and bleeding. She said she loves me but she can't stand living with me a moment longer, and I should never presume to touch her again. I got the whole "You were great, I did love you, and you used to be funny, but now you're just wierd", so all I got out of that conversation was the one good grab, but it was enough.
So all in all, the highlight was scoring a half a bottle of Jamison's for fifty cents.
fun but not.... F U N! you know?
