Why I have to leave AG
A lot has happened since yesterday, when I was crowned the wittiest, most funny man in the entire universe by a handful of persons from my own inner circle on AG. The rest of you, even those who have LOLed at occasional utterances of mine, demonstrated a complete lack of any sense of any kind, let alone humor, and voted for someone else. Well, let me tell you something; there is no one else the least bit funny here, only me. Luckily, I am very funny, so no one else is really needed. But I know you are all jealous; I know you would have voted for yourselves if you could have gotten away with it, and I know that several of you would like to see me dead. I know this because I have received death threats. Some through veiled innuendo, some through frankly worded IMs, and even one by perfumed letter, although perfume must represent a very different idea in Utah. A similar thing happened when I won the "AG Limericks Battle" hands down, under the pseudonym "thepoetryman." Oddy was beside herself with grief, and instructed Zonk to come over right away and kill me in a thoughtful, intelligent manner, and then marry her. By luck and by my own inteligence and wit, which I have in abundance, much more than you, I survived that attempt on my life, but I am too funny and too valuable to allow myself to stand at risk again, and so, for the good of the world, and for the future of comedy, I must leave AG at once. I realize that this will leave a big hole in AG, right where the funniness used to be, and in fact there will also occur a major dearth of general wisdom, sex tips, and compassionate humanity. Unfortunately, this cannot be helped. There can be no other person or combination of people who can make up for what will be lost when I leave. I'm afraid you will have to content yourselves with living lesser lives, devoid of passion and spirit. Perhaps you should all migrate to the clone site, where life is only 80% as good as it should be, until it is safe for me to return.
A lot has happened since yesterday, when I was crowned the wittiest, most funny man in the entire universe by a handful of persons from my own inner circle on AG. The rest of you, even those who have LOLed at occasional utterances of mine, demonstrated a complete lack of any sense of any kind, let alone humor, and voted for someone else. Well, let me tell you something; there is no one else the least bit funny here, only me. Luckily, I am very funny, so no one else is really needed. But I know you are all jealous; I know you would have voted for yourselves if you could have gotten away with it, and I know that several of you would like to see me dead. I know this because I have received death threats. Some through veiled innuendo, some through frankly worded IMs, and even one by perfumed letter, although perfume must represent a very different idea in Utah. A similar thing happened when I won the "AG Limericks Battle" hands down, under the pseudonym "thepoetryman." Oddy was beside herself with grief, and instructed Zonk to come over right away and kill me in a thoughtful, intelligent manner, and then marry her. By luck and by my own inteligence and wit, which I have in abundance, much more than you, I survived that attempt on my life, but I am too funny and too valuable to allow myself to stand at risk again, and so, for the good of the world, and for the future of comedy, I must leave AG at once. I realize that this will leave a big hole in AG, right where the funniness used to be, and in fact there will also occur a major dearth of general wisdom, sex tips, and compassionate humanity. Unfortunately, this cannot be helped. There can be no other person or combination of people who can make up for what will be lost when I leave. I'm afraid you will have to content yourselves with living lesser lives, devoid of passion and spirit. Perhaps you should all migrate to the clone site, where life is only 80% as good as it should be, until it is safe for me to return.
