God finally answers a few of my questions

 

So, God, you made the world in six days, and on the seventh day you rested?

 

Six days to me, 6000 million years to you. Yes, I made most of it in six days, on the seventh day I meant to add some finishing touches and more or less make it perfect. But I overslept.

 

So, what was the original concept?

 

Man, man, man  - everything I did was about man - all the rest of my creation is just window dressing. It s all here for the benefit of man, to support man.

 

Are you serious, it's really all about mankind?

 

No, I'm joking, idiot. You know, I could make you smarter for the next five minutes but I don't think that would help.

 

So you made man in your own image?

 

Yes dickweed, if you had the cohunes to look up at me for just a minute, you'd see that I look just like a man. A big old man in the clouds, that's me. Why would I want to look like a tree? I told you, it's all about man, man, man.  Man, the center of the universe, blah, blah, blah.

 

So, are you the same god as the god of the Old Testament?

 

Yeah, for a while there the Jews were my favorite. For one thing, they had some truly funny storytellers. One can get tired of them, though. I decided to branch out. That's why I sent what’s his name down there, my son, the one with the Hispanic name.

 

Jesus?

 

Yes, that was it, Thanks.

 

So, God, why is there evil in the world? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do you allow wars and poverty and sickness and suffering? Why do some people die young? Why must others suffer so long at the end of their lives?  And why must some people always be alone when all they hunger for is the love and affection of another? Why? Why? Why?

 

I'll answer just one of those questions - pick one.

 

OK then, why can't I find a girlfriend?

 

Your technique is lousy. Being truthful isn't always the best way to pick up women. I don't say you should lie, but don't come on so needy.

 

Thanks, God.