A Hit of Pain

You gave me a hit of pain
to keep me alive,
but the pain wore off
and my number kept coming up again.

I got scared.
I entered a still dream.
I got myself a good job.
I began to fear I would die.
I began to fear I would live
with fear.

I couldn't cry.
I moved into a big cold house.
It was filled with the dead.
The dead people were very dangerous.

I pretended to die.
I stopped trying to keep alive.
I came to you in desperation
for a hit of pain.

There is no pain, you lied.